There are no words to fully describe what happened at church yesterday. The Holy Spirit had His way with many people.....especial​ly me. Oh how grateful I am to have been there with an expectant and open heart. I have been hiding behind a wall for months now. This wall that was built by pain from the present and the pain from events in the past. My dad'​s death brought a lot of misery to the surface - and a lot of emotions I was hoping to never have to deal with again.

Each offense (past or present) laid a stone in the wall I built around myself. Each stone had a name, a date, an emotion, an event. There were stones named bitterness, abandonment, lonliness, hatred, sadness, pain (there were a lot of stones named pain), regret, unforgiveness, resentment - and the list could go on and on. There were even stones with the names of friends and relatives on them. Some who had caused pain and some who I just wanted to keep out.

I spent months assembling that wall.....brick by brick, stone by stone, all sealed nice and tight so that there were no cracks nor crevices for light (Light) to shine through. I hid there - safe - or so I thought. I just wanted to be left alone. I couldn'​t handle anymore. But what I didnt realize was that I was keeping the Light out and allowing the dark from my past to encompass me yet again.

I was so thoroughly deceived I was in my '​safe place'​. I see now that I wasn'​t. I see now that all I did was surround myself with darkness. I gave the enemy full reign over me, my heart and my emotions.

Well, yesterday.....the flood gates caved in - the walls were penetrated - and with every tear that I shed and stained the altar with - bricks and mortar alike came crumbling down. The pain that I was hiding from hit at full force - I could not contain nor control the tears that were streaming down my face. The Light broke through and the darkness was exposed and extinguished. Jesus broke through and took a hold of my heart and began quietly stitching His Love and Peace into the remains of my shredded heart. Stitch by stitch, ever so gently, piecing back together what I had allowed the enemy to decimate. And oh how quietly the rest came - oh how the Peace came. He called me to sit at His feet, just to rest. Just to let Him tend to me.

You see, He has been calling me - pursuing me - waiting for me. And when I couldn'​t take anymore, He opened His arms and gave me a soft place to land. He was waiting for me to fall from exhaustion. He was waiting for me to get to the end of myself. He was waiting for me to admit that I needed Him......

I repented with all of my heart and communed with Him at the foot of His Cross. And today, though the battle scars are still present, the presence of His mending is evident. His Peace has invaded - the walls are now down. And every stone and brick is now a beautiful pathway for me walk with Him on. Every demon has been crushed - every lie has been exposed - and now I'​m back on Sacred Path that He has called me too.

My Patchwork Heart is ever present again.....Yet more beautiful than ever before.
Added on 5 Nov 2012 at 09:22 am . . Category - Personal Testimony . . Submitted By - Janee

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